Dreams

I had an awful nightmare last night. I can still remember it vividly, even though I'm trying not to. It was one of those dreams where you're experiencing everything firsthand - not a spectator - it feels like real life. And I couldn't escape...I couldn't get out. I knew what was coming, and I could not get away. The fear and horror that filled that nightmare lasted a lot longer than the dream. I was so scared. I can still feel it - it lingers.

One of the symptoms of Parkinson's, or a symptom of the medications (I forget which at the moment and I'm too tired to look it up), is vivid dreams. Check. I've definitely got that one. It's amazing how creative the mind is. These dreams are weird, wild, and always vivid. What does that mean? For me, it means they feel so real, and I remember so much of them, that when I wake up - I don't leave the dreams behind me, lost somewhere in the subconscious of my mind. They wake up with me, still in the forefront of my mind. I'd like to just shake it off, like a wet, soapy dog after (or during!) a bath, but that doesn't work. The solution I've found - is to have a Bible right there, within hand's reach, so that I can grab it and start drinking in those words of truth...and it washes the "yuck" away. Reading a Psalm, reading about Jesus' life on this earth from a Gospel, reading about an Old Testament life or event, reading a letter from Paul to a New Testament church...my heart and mind are cleansed of the remnants of the dream, and turned to praise and thanksgiving, and filled with joy and peace.

And that is a perfect example of how God works all things for good. Those dreams push me, force me - to do something that is so incredibly beneficial to my life - and yet something that I am too stubborn or too undisciplined or too weak - to do on my own. God's Word is life-transforming! And those times of reading, in my bed, in the stillness of the early morning, or the stillness of the night when I can't sleep - have become the most precious times of all!

"My soul is satisfied as with marrow and fatness,
And my mouth offers praises with joyful lips.
When I remember Thee on my bed,
I meditate on Thee in the night watches,
For Thou hast been my help,
And in the shadow of Thy wings I sing for joy.
My soul clings to Thee;
Thy right hand upholds me."
(Psalm 63:5-8)