"Whatever it takes..." (Part One)

Those three words changed my life.

My heart was thirsty. I had been a Christian since childhood, but there was a deep longing for something more. Something was missing. And although I did not know exactly what it was that I needed, I knew exactly what I needed to do. I prayed. I surrendered. I put my life in His hands, and said, "Father, whatever it takes...whatever it takes to make me completely Yours...I want You to do it."

The shaking began very mildly, very intermittantly, and only at certain times. For instance, when I was playing the piano, and my right foot would be on the damper pedal, all of a sudden my right leg would start to shake. It only happened every once in awhile. I attributed it to a pinched nerve, or some such nuisance, and pretty much ignored it. Then, several months later, my right arm began to shake. Again, it was only every once in a while, and not very bothersome - but still, it didn't go away, and over time, it seemed to be getting worse. I couldn't ignore it anymore.

Many months later, after quite a few doctor's appointments, an MRI and a few other tests, and many "observation" walks up and down the hallway of the neurologist's office - the diagnosis was finally made, and confirmed. Parkinson's Disease (PD). By that time, Kenny and I weren't really surprised. From the very first appointment when the neurologist mentioned it as a possibility, we had been learning about it and researching it. And as my symptoms began to slowly "unfold", we were sure that was what I had, and were impatient for the doctors to make the official diagnosis.

By this time, we had already learned that although the average age that most folks are diagnosed with PD is 60, a small percentage (5-10%) have what is called "young onset PD" - and I now belonged to that group. I was about 41 at the time. Although PD manifests itself with "motor" symptoms - tremor, stiffness, slowness, difficulties with walking and moving, etc... - it is primarily a brain problem. Neurons that manufacture a chemical called dopamine for some reason pretty much start to die off, or at least stop working. It is the lack of dopamine that causes the symptoms of PD. Once the symptoms of PD begin to show, you have already lost 80% of those neurons. There are a slew of medicines to help ease the symptoms - and they are very powerful. It is a delicate and sometimes frustrating process to find the right combination of meds that does the most good, with the least side effects. There is also a surgical procedure called Deep Brain Stimulation (DBS) that can greatly help ease the symptoms of PD. (At the present time, I am in the midst of the former, and seriously considering the latter.) The bottom line, however, is that there is no cure for PD, and it is a progressive, degenerative disease. It will continue to get worse.

As all of that began to sink in, I began to soak up as much info on PD, and those who had it, as I possibly could. And as important as it is to be well-informed, there's such a thing as "too much" - and I certainly reached that level. There are so many possible symptoms and problems one could have with PD, but no one person will have them all. I didn't need to dwell on everything that could happen. And within the community of those who had the disease, I found a lot of anger, and fear, and misplaced hope, and not much faith. Maybe I just wasn't looking in the right place - I don't know. All I know is that I finally had to put the books down. I knew I was looking for answers in the wrong places. I don't remember if I started praying more earnestly then, or not. It's a moot point anyway - because regardless of whether or not I voiced the request - God gave me the answers I was looking for...